I woke up super early (5.30) to go for a run, yes – a run. Not a walk, a.run. in the vein hope of getting my once svelte figure back (because, you know, one run would accomplish this.).
Let me set the scene. Alarm goes off. Bleary eyed, I haul myself out of bed – this isn’t so bad, it’s a glorious morning! I shuffle about the flat, banging into various pieces of furniture and dig out some semblance of fitness clothing only to discover that I have left my trainers at work. Shit. No bother, I’ll just wear my pumps – I’m sure they’ll be fine for one day.
Lycra clad I grab my keys and set off. In true Emily fashion however, I pick up the wrong keys, only realising this AFTER I’d shut my front door. Shit. No bother, there’s a spare set in my car (I know me so well.).
At last, I head out into the brave wide world to commence what feels like a near impossible mission. I start running, “this is great” I think to myself.
How wrong I was.
After a mere 10 minutes of what feels like Usain Bolt running (but was probably more Phoebe Buffay running) I want to die; I am sweating so much I feel like a rain God and the sole of my foot is burning, I have a blister.
Satan himself is in my shoe.
By now death feels inevitable so I take myself home, all prepared with keys in my sports bra.
All prepared with keys in my sports bra….in my sports bra…
Shit…they’ve fallen out.
I knew this running malarkey was a bad idea.
At this point I was mildly thankful for the poor choice of footwear; the blister meant I hadn’t gone particularly far so I was easily able to locate my missing keys and let myself back into my flat.
Alas, I shan’t be making that mistake again. No, not the mistake of picking up the wrong keys, or the mistake of wearing the wrong shoes. The mistake of running.
Never again shall I be so foolish.
This tale of hardship and woe has a happy ending, however…
I now know how long my automatic bathroom fan stays on for – 20 minutes. I got home just as it was switching off.
Oh, and I went back to bed for another hours sleep. Now that’s a happy ending.